There are moments in my life where I feel all is right in the world and I’m content with how things are. Those moments are great. Wish they’d last for more than a week.
Then I go through these phases where I’m feeling dread, frustration, and/or listlessness. I’m sure these feelings are mostly brought on by the shifting of my hormones. But I believe they’re also brought on by little irks that slowly build up—like building blocks of disappointment, worry, and so forth that get added to create an unstable tower.
I’ve been frustrated about what to do about my job. I’ve been hanging by a thread where I work. And with the changes that were needed and made to put my health first, I’m now asked by my boss to put my job first. It’s a logical request that she asks of me. It’s a business. In the corporate world the kind of consideration they’ve given me seems somewhat rare nowadays. Heck, her back actually needs surgery compared to mine and she’s now resorted to also lugging herself around in crutches. She dedicated her life to a job that shows little recognition and appreciation. And because she’s one of the few who actually knows how to get shit done, the others lob their work onto her.
I can’t dedicate myself to this job anymore. The only reason I’m even putting effort anymore is for her. I get frustrated when she asks more of me than I want to input because I don’t see the reason for further effort anymore. I appreciate everything I have ever learned from her and from my fellow coworkers as well as my old supervisor, may he rest in peace. But, I can’t do this anymore.
I’ll be leaving my job at some point this year. As a designer, to keep creativity alive, I was advised to change jobs every 3-5 years. Though I’ve seen many not even bother and remain in their jobs for several years. Maybe out of comfort? I did it out of keeping my word to my old supervisor and to have something stable while going through the health whatnot and going through the fiance visa stuff.
Financially, it isn’t truly needed for me to keep my job. There is no crazy surgery bill anymore that I thought had existed. We’ve been managing all the bills well. Any extra money I had made went to splurges in stuff like affordable, useful furniture, my back stuff (mattresses, crutch, back brace, etc.), and gaming stuff.
I need to change. I need to change the direction of my career. I can do this now. I can leap for my dreams now. I just have to stop being scared.
Also, update on my back stuff. Physical therapist explained the problems I had been dealing with recently. Apparently, I may have Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction (SI Joint Pain) hence the imbalance I feel around my pelvis and legs. The left leg muscles have been spasming like crazy during all this shifting of my bones, by the way. Damn sciatic problems, lol. So she gave me exercises that will help strengthen the muscles around my pelvis and legs which hopefully help correct the imbalance a little.