For those wanting to hear more about my doggo babies, they’ll have the next post, hehe. This post is about my possible future baby. A very slim possible but some part of me always hopes.
I’m 36 now. I passed the half mile mark for my egg supply at 30 and each year is another struggle to keep my uterus from becoming a fused mess. I suppose fate deemed it a good time to move forward with things since I suddenly was referred to a fertility clinic when trying to find a way to take care of my new painful lesion.
As a side note, I’m stuck with the cursed lesion until next year. Our current “limited” insurance doesn’t help much for important things so we have to wait until we can get a health insurance with full coverage for surgeries. Fun times. 🙃
Originally we were hoping the fertility clinic could take care of my lesion but after listening to the nurse, we realized that it would be outside their expertise since the lesion was on my cervix and not the uterus which would matter more in their opinion since that’s the important part of bearing a baby.
Though at this point, I’m going to have to rely on surrogacy since my insides are pretty war torn.
Anywho, I still can use this clinic to hold my eggs. My 36 year old eggs. I have no idea how healthy they are or if they’re even really there. The barrage of cysts/lesions and the first not-so-expert doctor who had done my first two surgeries/laparoscopies scarred my insides pretty bad. It was a miracle the second surgeon specialist was able to fix what he could. But, no one has told me how those eggs are doing since then.
I know having a kid isn’t sunshine and rainbows but as someone who always wanted to be a mother… *sigh* as long as I still have eggs, I still want to try. Adoption is an option, yes, definitely, but I also want to have my own kid.
I’ve started watching a Korean drama called Oh My Baby. I used to watch Asian dramas a lot (especially the historical dramas), but I stopped when they started to get a bit too repetitive, lol. This one though caught my attention. It’s a 30 something single woman who finds out she has endometriosis.
I was really surprised that there was a show that even brought it to light. Like, it rarely gets talked about in everyday shite so it suddenly being in a 2020 drama just made me go “oh whoa!” It delves into infertility and this woman who always wanted a baby is now running out of time. It shows her going into shock after hearing the diagnosis and her options.
The way it showed her shock sent me back to the shock I felt back in 2013 when I found out I was already at fek’n stage 4 of the disease. All my plans just went out the window. I had to reevaluate everything and learn how to manage this disease and save my uterus and the organs surrounding it. It’s a constant learning process because they’re still researching the disease.
I’m going to keep watching the show, despite its corny bits, lol. Just feels comforting to watch.
I really do hope that despite all the crazy going on in this world, I can get a chance to be a mom. One day.