That damned sonogram…

This past week I was going through excruciating pains from my monthly. I’ve been hemorrhaging like there’s no tomorrow, inflammation galore, and getting massive dizzy spells that force me to use my paid time off.

This was cause enough for me to make an appointment with my old doc; the one who performed my first Laparoscopy. My hubby went with me to the appointment and got to learn all about what endometriosis is doing to me. The doc even showed him the pictures taken during my first surgery. It was like Endo 101 and he finally understands what’s happening which made me happy.

After filling her in on everything that we’ve tried and done she said it was time for a sonogram. I was scared about this part. I didn’t want to know if any more damage has occurred. It was the most painful sonogram I’ve ever had. Every movement made to search for cyst caused me to strain and clench my teeth. I’m sure still being on my monthly didn’t help.

She turned the monitor and pointed to a large space. It looked like someone dropped a piece of fried egg into my body; it was a large cyst…

The phantom pain I had always mentally pushed aside was actually a growing cyst. I had thought it was a result of the removed cyst that was there before. I felt like an idiot for ignoring the pangs and pings my side had always sent out occasionally. I seriously need to heed any pain my body lets out.

The most unfortunate part of this discovery is that this fek’n cyst had smothered my left ovary and eggs to death. I will need surgery to remove both. All I have left is the right ovary which is somehow still fighting the good fight to exist amidst the barrage of cysts.

The doc won’t advise us on what we should do next until we get my blood test results back. I’m not sure what she’s testing for but they took three vials. I was a bit woozy after they took my blood so I didn’t really hear much of what they were saying.

The options we do know of though is that we could take out the cyst and ovary remains then continue to try naturally or we can pursue IVF. She believes that the left ovary may have been part of the problem since the cyst returned specifically in that area. If there are any other options she has yet to inform us.

I feel so bad for my ovary though. It was saved before in the first surgery but due to my ignoring its pains, I had allowed it to die off. All those eggs…gone…

Sincerely,
Jenn

Biopsy results & healthy food

I got the call today about the biopsy! It’s confirmed that the lesions are indeed the Endometriosis having a hayday with my uterus. The good news is that there is no immediate need for surgery…BUT…my gynecologist strongly suggests getting fertility assistance from a fertility clinic. This may mean a possible whatever done to my uterus first before any sort of IVF or whatnot is involved should the fertility doc say it is needed.

#1 I have low faith in IVF and I do NOT want to end up with 8 babies #2 I hope there isn’t anything that will need to be done to my uterus should my new diet make an impact (it must be working because I don’t feel random pains or weird pressure anymore)

Things have started a bit slow with my diet, leaving me with a very limited meal set each day. I’ll have more time this weekend though to get everything I wanted in my original list. So far, I have gotten:

  • Gluten free, 100% whole wheat oatmeal naturally flavored with maple & brown sugar. There are 9 grams of sugar but I’ve decreased my intake of added sugar and am doing my best to keep things below 40 grams per day.
  • 24 oz. Smoothie (I’ve also asked for no added sugar if the usual grams are above my limit) every other day and a lot of orange juice
  • I’ve also been eating Buckwheat soba noodles made with yam and couple them with a little dipping container of sesame oil and San-J Tamari Soy Sauce (Gluten Free, Organic, Reduced Sodium)
  • A banana per day
  • And I’ve successfully made myself take my prenatal vitamins every afternoon. I avoid the morning because my stomach did not do so well with taking them in the morning even when I ate food. It does better a couple hours after I’ve eaten.
  • My vegetable intake has also improved! I’ve forced myself to eat mushrooms, artichokes (not a fan), broccoli, and spinach (love the baby spinach!)

I told Sean this morning that the reason I can’t just stop thinking about a baby in our lives is because I can’t shake off this aching feeling in my chest. It’s like my inner-mother-wannabe is yearning to raise a little one so strongly I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s a bit tiresome but seriously, the dang thought just keeps returning to the surface. Sean replied, “Don’t worry about it, love. Either we have our own little wonder or we adopt a little wonder.” This made me smile.

My thoughts of babies has amplified after going to my cousin’s for Halloween. We had made it much earlier than intended (though we were making the original start time but they had asked if people come a bit later due to trick-or-treating taking longer than intended.) Weeelll, we showed up and waited anyway since we were already halfway there, lol.

In an old post, I mentioned that my cousin Andrew and his wife have a little baby. This lil’ cutie cried every time I held him before which added to my previous anxieties. I knew logically he wanted his mother, but it made me feel like maybe my anxiety-ridden aura was just too overwhelming for him; this made me think that I’d cause any other baby to cry as well.

Once again I was offered to carry the little one [now 6 months old]. I whimpered, “But, I’ll make him crryyyy!” and Andrew jokingly responds, “He’s not the same man he was befoooore!” This improved my spirits and I took baby E into my arms.

He didn’t cry! Heck, I even made him laugh and smile. He also tried to eat my ghost pendant but I didn’t blame him for that; the thing looked like a Halloween marshmallow treat. I got to carry him around for a good while and Sean was too afraid to take him. I finally relinquished him when food came into the picture, lol. Plus, he soon was surrounded by all my other female cousins that had finally arrived.

I saw he was getting all of the attention so I hung out with his older sister who I think has turned 6 or could still be 5 (not sure.) She is so energetic and the candy only amplified her excitement, lol. She remembers so much of what I’ve told her since I met her and I can keep up with her randomness thanks to my crazy attention span (Attention Deficit Disorder as they call it.)

I’m letting the anxiety go now. I’ll take on whatever happens. I’ll just take each moment as it comes and hope I get the chance one day to guide, protect, and support a baby or child.

Sincerely,
Jenn