Letting go & moving forward

I had held a grudge against an aged man who devalued me only a year after I had began working for his company. It was from that point on that I learned it was something he often did to anyone who did not go the direction he wanted them to go. He is a man who lives in the past and runs things in a very, very old fashioned way. But his old ways are struggling with the new developments of the industry.

Anywho, I suppose my grudge died a couple years after the passing of my old supervisor, the aged man’s brother. I remember the aged man always wondering why I was even hired on while his dear brother always defended his decision to hire me. I believe it was because of his brother’s faith in me that I was regarded with kindness and no longer as that person “with no value” at the funeral. After the funeral, the aged man’s wife felt like she had to tell me something when she saw me from across the parking lot. She said it aloud with tears streaming down her face and an endearing smile, “He cared about you so much!”

I never understood why he did care about me so much. He treated me like family even when I acted like a little brat which he often called me jokingly. My other nickname was space cadet since I often wore a far off look in my eyes. If I had a mischievous grandfather, I’m sure he would’ve been much like my old supervisor. He chided me as a parent would when I messed up, taught me everything he knew about the corporate world, and pushed me to pursue my goal of becoming a graphic designer. Never had I received so much guidance and support all at once. I’m thankful for it now and it’s the reason why I stayed in this company so long despite my frustrations about how the work environment has grown more strained and stressful by the year.

The people in the company have become my family. They’ve supported me during all the chaos that occurred while I was just trying to get my second surgery underway. I’m extremely thankful. And I was really surprised after reading the following in an email from the aged man, “You are a long term successful Team Member and are a very special person to me and the family therefore Jennifer do not worry at all about you being out of work taking care of your health.” That sentence threw me off completely. For years I felt he didn’t give a hoot about my existence but for the sake of his brother he would at least acknowledge me. If he truly does feel this way then, wow, I’m a jerk for having been guarded for so long, lol.

I’ve been given the approval to go part time. I’ll be starting physical therapy for my back and seek out professional help for suppressing my Endometriosis. I can breath now. I feel like I had been holding my breath for six years working my butt off, trying to prove my worth, and trying to survive the devious ways of the corporate world. I’m not really made for this business world. I like to create and design more freely but corporate has always had a weird relationship with the world of art and its many gifted and often misunderstood inhabitants. I think I fit more under misunderstood than gifted, lol. I probably could fit into the gifted section if I just stopped being so apprehensive and allow myself to become more confident.

I have no idea where things will go. There is one within the company that is my supervisor in name but I don’t regard him as such. He’ll be a thoughtful person one day then Scrooge the next. The devious part of him says one thing to a person and then says/does another behind their back. I’m not sure why he would bother to do such a thing considering he’s in a high position. He’s old as well and may be handling things in the only way he’s ever known – feeling that he needs to control the tide to feel like he has some sort of power.

The person I see as my true supervisor is the lady I had mentioned some time ago who I’ve grown even closer to during tough times. I had said she never once completely liked a work I had created without her guidance which was a statement that savored highly of bitterness. I don’t care anymore if any of my designs are praised. In truth, a lot of them had potential but stopped short and all she would do was point that out and direct me in a way that’d help the design. Lol, I guess I’ll always be a brat at first about things. 😛




Recovering through creativity

My back is still on the mend and I’ll be needing physical therapy while the specialists investigate what’s going on with my nerves and a pesky lower disk. One thing that has finally been attended to is my surgery/laporoscopy needed to remove the bane of my existence – endometrial cysts. One cyst managed to rupture during the procedure… *shivers* I just pray they cleaned all that up thoroughly. And once again, my doctor has saved BOTH ovaries.

I was coming into the surgery on the understanding that I was losing an ovary. Doc managed to work her magic and save the battered thing while also taking time to remove scarring. To top that all off, it turned out that a cyst was creeping its way up my other ovary so she drained it.

Fun times.

My husband was informed by Doc [while I was out cold in the recovery room] that within three weeks he and I can go ham and try for a baby naturally again. I told Sean that if I don’t conceive within a month or two, I’m going right back on the pill. I don’t need those damned cysts feeding off my over-production of estrogen! I’m also planning on making a visit to an institute that specializes in GYN issues and asking some specialists everything I need to know about the health condition, Endometriosis. There’s obviously no cure but there are multiple ways to treat it so I just want to know everything I can learn.

Anywho, during my bed-ridden first week after the surgery, my mind buzzed with an idea that distracted me from all my worries and from the pain. The idea flourished after watching a marathon of Design on a Dime via Netflix, lol.

My parents are selling their house which my husband and I have been renting a room in. The worry my parents had was that once the house goes on the market, we’d have the issue of what to do with two hyper dogs while people toured the residence. We have a medium sized metal crate but I felt they need a bit more room to move about and rest in; Gidget the diva, especially. 😛

Once I was able to walk around without the feeling of my insides being bruised, I went to work on my idea. I took an old tv stand that we had stuffed in the corner of our garage. It is longer and a bit wider than the crate.

I had to deconstruct it. The two example images below will help give an idea of what I was working with. It’s composite wood with side shelving, no doors, and CD columns at either side of the front.

example (2)

I took the sides apart to create walls. Of course there were still gaps but I figured out different ways to close them. After reworking and re-positioning the boards to make a sort of box, I bought screening that is meant to keep pups from falling through gaps within railings. It’s a sturdy plastic, mesh material that can be bought in rolls on Amazon. I also bought a copper-plated aluminum sheet to place behind the screen to give our dogs the illusion that something hard is keeping them from pushing against the mesh. I used multiple screws and crafting cogs-turned-washers to keep both the mesh and aluminum sheet securely fastened to the box; I made sure none of the screws broke through to the other side of the wood (hence the use of washers.) The final addition to the back is the wooden border I cut and fastened to the top of the box over the mesh. It all feels pretty sturdy.

Before putting all the pieces together though, I bought an adhesive wallpaper (I used modge podge to assist in the adhesion) and covered the outside of each board. For the inside, I made cushioned walls that I Gorilla-glued to three of the boards. I tried hot glue but the boards are too slick to hold that kind of glue. To close the gaps on the left and right sides of the box I used metal grid panels that are normally used for shelves. I placed the same crafting cogs onto the panels to fasten them to the boards.

For the front I bought a greyish shelf panel that was on sale at Michaels. It is slightly thinner than the rest of the tv stand boards and is able to hold the heavy duty gate latch and hinges I bought.

To complete everything, I bought three stone adhesive floor tiles (two for the entrance of the inside and one large tile for the roof. I screwed in three hooks onto the largest board at the front to hold up a tiny lantern as well as an adorable planter, both of which I had bought on sale at Michaels. The lantern holds a fake, flickering tea light while the planter holds their chew toys/accessories (rubber bone and tire.)


Right now I have the whole thing sitting atop poster board for easy moving (thing is crazy heavy with all the additions, lol.) It’s sitting in our room at the moment, but when the house is on the market we plan on moving it to the computer room where there’s much more space.