You shall not pass!!!

Yesterday, I was a mess. We had a good father’s day dinner out, but before dinner I was turned into a distraught, anxious creature. Only minutes before meeting up with my parents at the homestead, Sean and I drove passed a frolicking medium-sized pooch. White curly, short fur with tan circles here and there. He literally was frolicking down the road with a car right behind him.

My heart dropped at the sight. I had just squirmed minutes before after seeing a dead fox. And now I was forced to drive by this happy-go-lucky, lost dog. Every part of me wanted to pull a crazy stunt and u-turn over the median but logic and Sean said don’t. With the line of cars behind me and the one following behind the dog, I probably would’ve caused a crazy crash scene and scared the dog away. I PRAY that the dog did not get run over and that hopefully the car behind him was able to retrieve him or that he found safety. Most of all I hope his family finds him.

Since I was unable to chase after the dog I decided to use Facebook. Under the option of public view, I posted the description of the dog and where we saw him. My cousin’s wife saw the post and shared it with a mothers group she’s in. Another shared the post and they found a digital LOST DOG flyer of a dog who looked a bit like the one we saw. Apparently this dog had disappeared yesterday morning within the area.

The whole thing left me rattled though. I kept envisioning Buddy doing the same thing: bolting out the door and running off to heaven knows where. Both my dogs have microchips but it’s still a scary thought to lose either one. I updated their microchip info and have bought loads of fencing and mesh to Buddy-proof our new backyard. I will cover every crevice and gap!!! I will leave a letter for my parents in large letters saying to always keep an eye on Buddy when he’s let out and to never open the front door wide enough for Buddy to run through. That’s how paranoid this whole scenario made me.

I’m doing this especially because Sean and I will be in Ireland for two weeks after the 28th. And the last thing I want to hear from my parents is that Buddy escaped and is lost. It’ll break my heart and I won’t want to stay in Ireland. I’m not worried about Gidget because she just wants to be with us. She never strays far from us and the times she did “get out” because the lawn mower folks left the backyard gate open in our old place, she stayed right on our lawn. Buddy had wandered down the road to another neighbor’s lawn before Sean had to chase after him and tackle him. *sigh*

I’ll be praying everyday that the dogs are safe at home and calling every night to check-in until we return home from Ireland. That’s the only way I’ll stay sane, lol, which sounds kind of crazy to begin with but these are my babies!

Sincerely,
Jenn

 

Reaper

Not to be depressing, but as of late thoughts of mortality have repeatedly entered my mind. There are times I fear death, especially when I hear about the countless souls dying by the day.

Every time I think of death, I try to comfort myself by doing as much as I can each day so that should Mr. Reaper ever come my way I’ll have no regrets.

It seems so unfair. How quick a life can disappear. Why does it feel like so many lives disappear in horrific and painful ways? Rare is it that you hear about a soul living passed 100 and dying peacefully in their sleep. I’d like that kind of death. To have lived fully and peacefully enter the nothingness.

Saying nothingness may jolt any religious folks who ardently believe there’s something after death. I can’t say I believe because I do not know if there truly is. I wish it, for sure. Heck, I’m even open to reincarnation as long as I’m not to become the next poor spider doomed to be squished by a fearful human. I do try sometimes not to be that kind of human that squishes an unsuspecting insect but instinct often takes charge before empathy does when it comes to the subject of insects and arachnids. *shiver*

I call it nothingness because in the times I was rendered unconscious (by surgery or accidentally falling off a jungle gym back in middle school), I remember nothing but a void. My mind was put into a sleep mode that is unable to recall anything from the time I was out.

I grow squirmy when I think of nothingness; the time before I was born and the time that will be after I pass. It’s almost like my brain cannot fathom such a state. Or maybe I’ve developed a fail-safe that redirects my thoughts away from such things once they become too uncomfortable.

I can sadly say that there will be no genetic reproduction of my own being passed on to survive me when I am gone. All that there will be of me are the memories others have of me. Even then those memories only exist for as long as those beloved souls exist.

Well crap, I made this pretty depressing, huh? I’m actually not sad while writing all this. I wanted to write it to empty my mind once and for all of the fearful thoughts. Writing it helps me face it; the uncontrollable and unforeseeable future. I hope I can live a long life. I hope we all can. One that is fulfilling and not marred by unending sadness or pain.

Sincerely, Jenn

 

Gotta love life :)

This past weekend was awesome!!! Sean and I sooo needed this break. We went to New Jersey for my best friend’s wedding! ❤

Mary, bestie and bride, entered the ceremony as the Legend of Zelda’s Great Fairy’s Fountain Theme played (if you click the link to the song and are using a headset make sure both ear pieces are in.) It was the perfect song for this fairy like setting! This is seriously how the greenhouse-like room looks. Though the chairs were arranged first for the wedding and then they busted out the the tables for the reception:

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Me and the other bridesmaids fought with all our strength not to wash our fancy make up off with a river of happy tears. Then we had another round holding in tears when Mary and Alex said their vows. And AGAIN when Mary and Alex had their dance to the song, Come What May (Moulin Rouge! movie version.) They also sang the song to each other while dancing. I even ended up singing along with the song because I love it so much. I finally caved and cried when it came time for me to give my Maid of Honor speech.

I talked about the first time I met Mary — the first day of college! She was my roommate 😀 and her friendliness and sweetness put me at ease when fear and anxiousness wracked my nerves. I had lived a pretty sheltered life before college so that first day was daunting. A build up of water in my eyes created this Gaussian blur when I looked straight at Mary and told her that she accepted me, flaws and all, and it meant the world to me. She and I made it through the good, the bad and celebrated every victorious moment.

I looked back at my wrinkled, torn out page to get back on track with my speech and noticed my hands shaking. Then I realized that my voice was also trembling. I pushed on speaking about how all we wanted in life was happiness. I looked to Alex and blubbered, “Alex, you have brought her that happiness… thank you…” after that point I can’t remember much of what else I said. I knew what I wanted said but I wasn’t sure if I said it, lol. I was caught up in panic when I realized no one was understanding what I was saying based on their confused expressions. So, I just lifted my glass and squeaked “Che!” which was supposed to be cheers… lol… I don’t do well with holding my emotions in check or with public speeches.

To my relief, everyone laughed heartily and raised their glasses. I retreated into Mary’s arms and hugged her, apologizing to both her and Alex for messing up at the end of my speech but they loved it and thankfully heard everything I had said. The next day I showed Mary the wrinkled piece of paper with my scribbled speech and she loved it so much she asked if she could keep it. I happily exclaimed, “Of course you can keep it! I had written it all for you!”

It was a truly epic weekend. And even Sean had a good time. Especially when he found out Mary’s family’s ancestors originated from Limerick, Ireland.

After all the happy, we rode the train back home Sunday afternoon and were ecstatic to return to our furbabies. The unfortunate part of our return was finding out Gidget was suffering from a very swollen digit on her paw. On closer inspection, I saw an abscess on the side of the digit. My parents told me they noticed she was limping the day before, saw the swollen paw and gave her pain killer and left over antibiotic that she had in the fridge.

We did the same for her again that Sunday night of our return and we also soaked her poor paw in a bowl of warm water and salt. This caused the abscess to pop. I retrieved her old cone-of-shame and placed it around her little head to keep her from licking the wound. I also cleaned her paw with hydrogen peroxide.

The next day the digit was redder and still swollen so I set up an appointment at the vet. I decided to bring Gidget into work with me until her appointment. Everyone was surprised to see her except my communication director, lol. She’s friends with me on Facebook and saw my “oh whyyy can’t we have a day without something to worry about” post.

The coworkers were shocked at how well-behaved Gidget was. Even I was surprised she was so chill. Probably because I had carried her in my blanket and just let her rest behind me in the chair during the morning meeting. She never made a peep. She did pant on and off due to her being a little anxious but you couldn’t hear it whenever someone was talking. When I got to my desk I busted out her old, “safe haven” carrier which she immediately climbed into.

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At some point my aged [usually grumpy] supervisor came out of his office to talk to me and the communications director. When this happened Gidget began to do her low grumble of “Who da hell are you? You better not get closer!” I shooshed her and tried covering her eyes but when she caught sight of him coming closer she continued her low grumbling. When he finally returned to his office, she was happy again.

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I wasn’t panicking like the last time she was sick. Probably because she wasn’t in dire pain or looking like her heart would stop at any moment. She was definitely excited when we returned to the car. It was a quick trip to the vet and she got looked at by the vet tech. It was at this time she claimed the baby scale he set her in as her new “safe haven.” We took her off to check her temperature but she immediately returned to it afterwards. She didn’t budge until the vet came in, picked her up and examined her.

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They shaved her paw some more and completely flushed out and cleaned/treated the affected area. This caused the wound from the popped abscess to reopen and bleed so they made a temporary band-aid wrap until it stopped bleeding. After that I received her painkiller pills, antibiotic pills, and also asked for their flea Nexguard medicine which brought the whole bill up to $175. Yaaaaay, I’m sooo pooooor after this weekeeend…

Oh well. Everything was worth it. And I’d rather pay that kind of bill now instead of letting her wound worsen and get infected then possibly get amputated.

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Sincerely,
Jenn