As a side note, my hormones have been hellishly fluctuating lately. Fighting off the flu combined with suddenly getting my menstrual without the usual relief from my Vitex (Chasteberry) and multi-vitamins (Vitex + multivitamin+ super antibiotic = barf) turned me into an overemotional, depressive creature. So if I sound like a mad yoke at points within this post, forgive me~ 😀
There were many things feeding this overemotional me but the one I’ll touch upon in this post is the stress I put on myself by approaching the Catholic church to receive a church wedding. I never had a problem with the all the religion’s rules and regulations before until I ended up having to rush the marriage part of the sacraments. For those just tuning in, Sean and I got married via civil marriage. The Fiance Visa process only allowed a certain amount of time to wed so a traditional, church wedding and all its pre-procedures, which must be done 6-8 months beforehand, wasn’t possible.
Having that sort of wedding isn’t acknowledged by the church. So here I am bugging them about receiving a ceremony while I’m not married in their eyes and am no longer a traditional Catholic. I was born into Catholicism but after high school and college [where I took religious studies class], I changed.
I met all sorts of people from different walks of life. And after religious studies, my brain was suddenly out of the one-way tunnel it had always been in. I stepped outside the box and realized there was way more to it all than what I had been taught. And I completely shed the EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG AND ER’BUDDEH IS GOIN TO HADES! mentality. Understanding took over. An open mind took over. And I refused to judge/condemn and say all must follow one way. Who was I to do and say such things?
ANYWHO, back to the main point…
While in Ireland, Sean’s parish’s priest informed us of a blessing ceremony that can be done for those who had gotten married first through civil marriage. I thought, “Woo! This is great!” Unfortunately, I found out all the good venues in Ireland were booked for next year. So no more wedding in Ireland. I guess all of Ireland wanted to get married next year too?
When I got back to Amurica [and before the flu hit me], I sent an email and had a call with my old parish. The lovely lady at the parish office set up an appointment for us and that was that. I let the matter sit to the side since the appointment isn’t until August 4th.
A week later, curiosity arose.
The blessing ceremony’s actual name is called a Convalidation Wedding Ceremony. Personally, the word convalidation sounds like something severe you’d hear a doctor say to a patient. I know what it means but just the sound of it makes me think, “Whoa…things just got serious.”
I looked up more about the pre-process for these ceremonies. Everything was doable until I read, “You will be asked to abstain from sex until the ceremony.” My heart dropped. I’m sorry but…WHAAAAAAAAAAA!?! The lady sounded so understanding that I temporarily forgot about how the Catholic church usually views things. They know technically Sean and I had gotten married and have been living as married ones do. And yea, in the back of their minds they’re probably thinking “Oh, you silly sinners, well at least you’re coming to us now! Yay!” but…AUGH!
I just can’t abstain from sex with my husband! And I only have so long before my uterus is completely riddled with cysts! I just can’t risk it. More than ever I want to have a baby. My little godson pulled at every string in my heart and every time I imagine holding our own baby—my eyes just start doing that watery mess thing.
I emailed the lady back telling her my concerns and how I can’t promise such a thing when I know I can’t follow through with it because I see myself as Sean’s wife forever and always and that we want a kid before my uterus kicks the bucket. She replied back in a way that once again surprised me. She was very understanding and didn’t judge me for what I said. In fact she was happy I was being so honest. She recommended that I still go in and talk to a priest about my concerns and he’d figure out what Sean and I can do.
Throughout my emotions and frustrations, I was thankful for one thing: Sean. He listened, held me close, and talked it all out with me. I’m less cray cray now. And in the scheme of things, the whole church wedding thing isn’t as big as I made it. In truth, there’s no one forcing me to go through this. There is just a part of me that wants that traditional church wedding. Especially if I’m going to have this second ceremony, I might as well go the whole nine yards. I guess it’s a way to involve the part of me I started with and allow myself to experience the intensity that comes with a full-blown wedding and reception.
Don’t get me wrong, I was still happy when I had the civil marriage. But it happened so quickly and though my parents were there, Sean’s family had to watch through a blurry, Skype video. The sweet parts were Sean’s excitement and it taking place in my family’s living room—in the house that witnessed my teen years up until my young adult years. But, I really wanted it in a place where my family and friends could witness together in person and to celebrate with them like most bride and groom would.
*sigh* I look at myself and shake my head when I let crap like this get the best of me when I know horrible things are happening in this world. And mind you, this was mainly the only silly first world problem thing I was stressing about. All the other more important matters I stressed about mean much more to me. This one just happened to pop up a lot in between the other bits of madness.