Fortuna doesn’t like me right now

I’m beginning to learn that I should stop rushing and actually pay attention to what I’m doing. My body has been so unbalanced lately that my stupid mishap has really done a number in the pain department. All the ailments I’ve been through have already made me look sickly. And now, I look like the frikin’ Phantom of the Opera.

See, in my haste, I accidentally put body wash on my face instead of lotion. How can I confuse the two? It was a small travel bottle of body wash that looked a hell of a lot like my little lotion bottle. Also, for some odd reason it had the same consistency. Leaving that on my face the majority of the day made what was an already dry/dandruff-suffering face into a red desert of pain.

Yesterday my skin was puffy, hot, and slightly bleeding from skin crackling and breaking. Now it’s calmed down a bit and thanks to the Cortisone cream with aloe, it’s healing up. But I still look like I got slapped in the face with a jelly fish.

I would just like a break please! My back even seems to be getting worse and I’m barely keeping it in check with the Physical Therapy routine that was taught to me and the TENS Unit I bought.

I seriously feel like my body is going to keel over at any moment at this rate. 😦

Sincerely,
Jenn

Inhale Exhale

As a side note, my hormones have been hellishly fluctuating lately. Fighting off the flu combined with suddenly getting my menstrual without the usual relief from my Vitex (Chasteberry) and multi-vitamins (Vitex + multivitamin+ super antibiotic = barf) turned me into an overemotional, depressive creature. So if I sound like a mad yoke at points within this post, forgive me~ 😀

There were many things feeding this overemotional me but the one I’ll touch upon in this post is the stress I put on myself by approaching the Catholic church to receive a church wedding. I never had a problem with the all the religion’s rules and regulations before until I ended up having to rush the marriage part of the sacraments. For those just tuning in, Sean and I got married via civil marriage. The Fiance Visa process only allowed a certain amount of time to wed so a traditional, church wedding and all its pre-procedures, which must be done 6-8 months beforehand, wasn’t possible.

Having that sort of wedding isn’t acknowledged by the church. So here I am bugging them about receiving a ceremony while I’m not married in their eyes and am no longer a traditional Catholic. I was born into Catholicism but after high school and college [where I took religious studies class], I changed.

I met all sorts of people from different walks of life. And after religious studies, my brain was suddenly out of the one-way tunnel it had always been in. I stepped outside the box and realized there was way more to it all than what I had been taught. And I completely shed the EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG AND ER’BUDDEH IS GOIN TO HADES! mentality. Understanding took over. An open mind took over. And I refused to judge/condemn and say all must follow one way. Who was I to do and say such things?

ANYWHO, back to the main point…

While in Ireland, Sean’s parish’s priest informed us of a blessing ceremony that can be done for those who had gotten married first through civil marriage. I thought, “Woo! This is great!” Unfortunately, I found out all the good venues in Ireland were booked for next year. So no more wedding in Ireland. I guess all of Ireland wanted to get married next year too?

When I got back to Amurica [and before the flu hit me],  I sent an email and had a call with my old parish. The lovely lady at the parish office set up an appointment for us and that was that. I let the matter sit to the side since the appointment isn’t until August 4th.

A week later, curiosity arose.

The blessing ceremony’s actual name is called a Convalidation Wedding Ceremony. Personally, the word convalidation sounds like something severe you’d hear a doctor say to a patient. I know what it means but just the sound of it makes me think, “Whoa…things just got serious.”

I looked up more about the pre-process for these ceremonies. Everything was doable until I read, “You will be asked to abstain from sex until the ceremony.” My heart dropped. I’m sorry but…WHAAAAAAAAAAA!?! The lady sounded so understanding that I temporarily forgot about how the Catholic church usually views things. They know technically Sean and I had gotten married and have been living as married ones do. And yea, in the back of their minds they’re probably thinking “Oh, you silly sinners, well at least you’re coming to us now! Yay!” but…AUGH!

I just can’t abstain from sex with my husband! And I only have so long before my uterus is completely riddled with cysts! I just can’t risk it. More than ever I want to have a baby. My little godson pulled at every string in my heart and every time I imagine holding our own baby—my eyes just start doing that watery mess thing.

I emailed the lady back telling her my concerns and how I can’t promise such a thing when I know I can’t follow through with it because I see myself as Sean’s wife forever and always and that we want a kid before my uterus kicks the bucket. She replied back in a way that once again surprised me. She was very understanding and didn’t judge me for what I said. In fact she was happy I was being so honest. She recommended that I still go in and talk to a priest about my concerns and he’d figure out what Sean and I can do.

*EXHALE*

Throughout my emotions and frustrations, I was thankful for one thing: Sean. He listened, held me close, and talked it all out with me. I’m less cray cray now. And in the scheme of things, the whole church wedding thing isn’t as big as I made it. In truth, there’s no one forcing me to go through this. There is just a part of me that wants that traditional church wedding. Especially if I’m going to have this second ceremony, I might as well go the whole nine yards. I guess it’s a way to involve the part of me I started with and allow myself to experience the intensity that comes with a full-blown wedding and reception.

Don’t get me wrong, I was still happy when I had the civil marriage. But it happened so quickly and though my parents were there, Sean’s family had to watch through a blurry, Skype video. The sweet parts were Sean’s excitement and it taking place in my family’s living room—in the house that witnessed my teen years up until my young adult years. But, I really wanted it in a place where my family and friends could witness together in person and to celebrate with them like most bride and groom would.

*sigh* I look at myself and shake my head when I let crap like this get the best of me when I know horrible things are happening in this world. And mind you, this was mainly the only silly first world problem thing I was stressing about. All the other more important matters I stressed about mean much more to me. This one just happened to pop up a lot in between the other bits of madness.

Sincerely,
Jenn

Sunday

After picking Sean up from work, we made our way to the happening place nearby. Shops, restaurants, park, and mini-theater all wrapped into a chic, outdoor mall. We decided to go see Star Trek Beyond. I’m the Sci-fi nerd while my husband only agreed because nothing else playing interested him. He did manage to stay awake during the movie and had only closed his eyes to rest once, lol. He said it wasn’t a bad movie but it wasn’t his thing.

I did show him the trailer to the King Arthur: Legend of the Sword movie and he was stoked about that. I am too and knew it fell right into his favorite genre. What pulled me in was the personality twist it had on the old story. Arthur himself had a totally different persona about him that I hadn’t encountered before in all the versions that exist. It’s like he fell out of the world of Peaky Blinders! Something about that nitty-gritty, raw behavior that always pulls me in. It’s what pulls me in to most epic novels; shedding the heroic glamour and showing the grimier side of things.

Anywho, backtracking to the movie trip yesterday, I noticed something. The tidal wave that is Pokemon Go is crazy to witness! People were just sitting around the park and playing. Businesses were capitalizing on it as well by putting out signs that invited you to play in their cafe and have a discounted this or that. In truth, I am one of those 20-somethings who plays the game but not to the extent that I’d sit out in the 101 degree weather for the majority of the day. In fact, I’m seriously lazy. I’ll bust it out if I’m bored like I do with any other phone app game.

I’ve nixed every bit of eye-candy the game has. I turned off the feature that allows you to see the Pokemon through the phone camera showing them on whatever is currently around you. I also turned off the noise and vibrations that alert you when a creature is near. And lastly, I put on battery saver which the game so nicely provides in settings. It turns the screen black when you place the phone upside down. This actually allows the game to keep running but also allows me to not actually pay attention to it.

I did all that to keep me focused on my surroundings and not become another negative or stupidly tragic news story. As to why I even allow the game to keep running: As you level or visit Pokestops, the game gives you Pokemon eggs; you hatch them by walking. I’ll leave it on in my purse if I know I’m going to be driving or walking for awhile.

Lol, sounds a bit too much, eh? I’m sorry but I LOVE Sci-fi and Fantasy. Games really know how to play with that genre. Plus, it’s nostalgia for me and it’s something to enjoy doing with my husband. Well, it’s more of a competitive thing to do with my husband, lol.

Another game I’m revisiting is Minecraft. Visually, most people will think that game looks ugly and it’s purpose may appear stupid. But it’s very simplistic: survive, collect and build. Simplicity is a nice break from the stresses of life for me. When I’m not reading, drawing, or writing, I’m playing Minecraft. I’ll build structures to my hearts content. Recently I built a scary-themed roller coaster and took a few rides on it. I also invited my best friends to try the roller coaster out (they own the server I play on and they’ll play too when they get the time.) After building something really well, I revel in my ingenuity, hehehe. Ahhh, I’m such a nerd. But such is life~

Sincerely,
Jenn

 

 

Failing at socializing

Remember how I said I didn’t get sick for once in a trip to Ireland? Well, it seems it was just waiting to attack me at my weakest. Yesterday I began coughing up a storm. In my feeble attempt to thwart the start of this coughing frenzy, I took vitamins. It was the early morning and I was off to drop Sean at work and it hadn’t occurred to me that I didn’t actually eat anything when I took my vitamins.

Halfway through the drive, my stomach felt like there was a tiny goblin inside slashing about. After a few minutes of anguish, I proceeded to barf into an empty soda bottle. My husband so kindly added, “Good thing I finished drinking that soda earlier…”  I miraculously made it to his work and dropped him off. I then steadily drove home and spent the day going through hellish skin and joint pain, weakness and cough attacks. My temp rose to 101.5 by evening. The rest of the night was spent trying to get my temp back down.

The next morning (today) I woke up to no longer feeling horrid skin pain and an unending feeling of being cold. My temp was a bit better too but to be on the safe side my dad took me to an emergency clinic after dropping Sean off at work. I was prescribed a super antibiotic that will help me get through the flu-like symptoms I’m experiencing.

Now, it’s around 9PM and I’m waiting for Sean to get off work. At this point I’ve already taken the antibiotics, cough suppressant, and ibuprofen. I had already been feeling drowsy from the sickness and the combination of everything else seemed to make me reaaaally out of it.

Sean gets out of work and I tell him to wait in the car while I go to the grocery store nearby and get some miso soup. I love soup when I’m sick and it’s the best thing to have when my throat is killing me.  So I waltz into the grocery store, detour when I see bacon potato soup and then return to my original path towards the Asian isle. Just so you know, they literally have an isle that has the category, Asian.

I go to where the ramen is and begin searching every row. From my peripheral, I see someone standing at the end of the isle.

“I like your shirt!” says the young lady who had been standing there.

“Thank you!” I heartily say [because I like it too.]

It’s a yellow shirt with Tenzin, whose from The Legend of Korra series, and his children riding a swirl of blue, stylized clouds. Thinking the mini-compliment-convo was done, I continue searching for my miso soup packets. The lady comes a bit closer and continues to talk.

She asks if I’m from around here and I told her I recently moved here and live about 15 minutes away. She proceeds to tell me exactly the street she lives on and the metro station she lives near. I’m a bit taken aback at how open and friendly she is. I feel a bit bad because not only was I out of it and sounded like someone punched my vocal chords but in the back of my mind I kept wondering what her motive was.

Years of socializing within schools and within the work place have sort of created this preconception that everyone has a motive. Could be good or bad one, but there was always some motive. I was just trying to figure hers out.

She asked me what I was looking for which temporarily shut my over-analyzing brain up and I tried to explain I was looking for miso soup that was in the packet without the noodles. I added that last bit because right in front of us was a microwaveable bowl of miso soup with noodles which was definitely not what I was looking for. I told her it must not be here and it’s probably in the other popular grocery store in the area.

I then asked her if she had just moved here and she said yea but she had always been in the area but had lived in Maryland before. I told her I didn’t plan on living in this area for much longer because I was tired of it. After that we talked about our jobs and I added that I had a LinkedIn. That was my networking coming into play. I’m a graphic designer and she is a communications director. Those two go hand in hand so it didn’t hurt to reach out through LinkedIn. We began to say our goodbyes and I had forgotten her name at this point so I gave her mine to look up if she wanted to.

I ended the conversation with “We gotta stick togetherrrr~ heh heh~” [referencing the LinkedIn part] she chuckled but probably because I sounded seriously high when I said it. As in the entire time I was talking, I sounded dazed and sleepy. And if your voice has ever gotten raspy or strained from a cold, that’s how mine sounded but with an added loopy sway to every other word.

I figured her motive was just to talk and make a friend or talk about Avatar or Legend of Korra. Now that I think back I never asked if she knew about those two shows and I totally forgot to tell her to wash her hands. I’m sick and she shook my hand during the introductions. Lol, I hope she’ll wash her hands when she gets home.

…I’d feel bad if she got sick.

Sincerely,
Jenn

Back from Ireland

We got back from our two weeks in Ireland. I love Sean’s family and seeing my adorable little godson gave me a big case of baby fever!!! I got to experience Ireland’s summer: 4-5 sunny/semi-warm days and the rest of the days were filled with showers/storms with the occasional chill. AAAaaannd I didn’t get sick this time. WOO!

The trip did open my eyes a bit to actually living in the countryside of Ireland. We were without internet. The only form of internet we had was through a used first generation iPhone. Sean had purchased a months worth of phone and internet service on the little blast-from-the-past. The majority of the time we either had E, 3G or no service on it at all.

The only times we had access to WiFi was at the hotel on the day of my sister-in-law’s wedding and when we visited her house before the day we left. What I learned from my experience is that I’m a spoiled brat. I was restless and bored out of my mind without internet. I was in pain from my back hating the mattress and my head constantly [accidentally] hitting the slanted roof ceiling in our room. And I missed our furbabies soooo much.

Mind you, I did read books and I did wander the countryside (pictures below) but you can only do that so many times! I wanted my Asian dramas(they weren’t available in Ireland!), my Netflix, and video games! And heavens, I wanted a bed that didn’t aggravate my sciatica/herniated-disc and turn me into a temporary Quasimodo!!!

IMG_3161

Woke up each morning to seeing these two either cuddling or eating grass, lol.

IMG_3135

Walk with family & family dogs (Humans: Father-in-law & Sean; Dog butts: Toby and Lulu)

FullSizeRender

Lulu and Lucky frolicking on the fertile plains

IMG_3128

Lucky being sniffed by the curious cows

By the way, we didn’t have our own car if you were thinking ,”Why didn’t you just get out and do stuff?” We had to bum rides off family. Plus, Sean couldn’t drive; he’d have to go through the whole process of attaining a license and car insurance. So we were stranded for a small portion of the visit with only so much to do on days the family was away or at work.

So after a mini-breakdown from me, lol, I talked to Sean about how I felt. I told him I wanted to have all the money we needed first to buy the place we want and furnish it to our tech-loving lives before moving to Ireland. He surprised me by responding with “We’ll see how I like Florida. I may change my mind and we may not move to Ireland at all.” I’m still fine with one day moving to Ireland (I know deep down he seriously misses his home there) but I reaaaallly want to have all we need before we do. I didn’t feel great about having to bother his parents while staying there. They had a routine and we’d sometimes interfere with it if we ever wanted to use their television, want to go somewhere, or use their only shower. Also I cannot live in a room with slanted ceilings… I’ll end up with brain damage because I’m a klutz…

Sincerely,
Jenn