BLAH!

It’s a Friday, right? Chill morning, dropped the hubbie off at work without any issues, and I leisurely drive to work. I reach a point in the drive where I get stuck behind those buses that stop every 2 – 3 minutes. Usually, I deal with it. I stay put and do the stop and go thing until the bus or I turn in opposite directions.

But, the day I decide to not deal with it…I fek up. My lack of patience today is mainly due to lack of sleep. Last night the room kept alternating between cold and warm (in other words I kept waking up with no covers with a fan full blast on us, lol.) I think this brought on the other ailments: a migraine, my tonsils hurt and my ears hurt. Also my sciatica seems to be going haywire as of late.

Anywho, I do my best to be a good driver; I’m looking at my side view mirror and see the left lane is empty. I then proceed to put on my blinker and change lanes.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNKKK HONK HONK HONKKITYFEKKENHONK!!!

My heart leaps and I look through my rear view mirror to see an angry lady in a van. She’s screaming her head off at me. I didn’t hear brakes screeching so my brain rationalizes how we almost ended up hitting each other. I supposed because there was no screech that she was going the speed limit—thank god. I know I was in the wrong for somehow missing her but I was in shock at how I didn’t even see her to begin with.

I had seen an empty lane, but suddenly she was there at the moment I begin to move. She either was one of the cars that also decided to change lanes and surpass the bus or she was at an angle where I couldn’t originally see her. Luckily, neither of us hit each other or got hurt.

I was too tired and in pain to react to her anger. I just let her have her yell and I kept moving. She was behind me for a good while, most likely fuming. But, what was there to do or say? I sort of wish I had a marquee attached to the back of my car that could’ve displayed the words “Sorry! I swear I didn’t see you as I was changing lanes.”

I’m sorry, lady, for ruining your morning with both a shock to the heart and a burst of anger. I’ll just deal with the stop and go from buses forever more and never change lanes out of impatience again, lol.

On a lighter note, the new routine has helped my spine/lower back heal up. No more horrific pain and no more struggling to move or stand up. The only issue seems to be the nerve now. It feels like something is latching onto the part of my nerve that runs by where my left leg and hip connect. I’m going to up the amount of stretches I do with that leg and see what happens.

Sincerely,
Jenn

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Health Guinea Pig

I wish they just had a reboot for the body. I’m struggling with everything physical at the moment.

After the flu/stomach fiasco, I had to adjust my regimen. I took a break from the Vitex (Chaste berry.)  My stomach seems über sensitive to anything I put in it and I’m actually passed the 6 month mark of how long I should be taking the Chaste berry. I seem to be having a reoccurring randomized cough as well. I think I might’ve jacked up my throat and tonsils when the angry stomach part of the fiasco occurred.

I’ve also taken a break from the multi-vitamin and have been taking only the Vitamin D 1000 IU and bouncing back and forth between Naked’s mighty mango smoothie drinks and the Chia Banana smoothies from Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Doesn’t sound like much, eh? There’s wraps and soups in-between all that but I admit that I have been eating less. Like I said, my stomach is crazy sensitive now which almost puts me off from eating too much. I’m forcing myself to eat more though. Just haven’t gained the weight I lost yet. 😦

Even though I’ve taken a good bit out of my regimen, I’m adding something new.

I began a search for dietary supplement and foods that promote the regrowth of cartilage. I came across a fancy shmancy combo that had a good few hundred reviews. I looked over verified purchase reviews that weren’t persuaded by some sort of discount. Some people claimed ALLELUIAH while others were like “PSH! It did nuffin.” So I was unsure until I read a lady’s review, who has the same herniated disc problem as I do in her lumbar region.

910p8hXIG+L._SL1500_It’s called FLEX Pro ES—it supports joint and cartilage health aaannnd synovial fluid *jazz hands*. The lady claimed that this pill combined with her flex pro pill for injury has improved her to “50%+” which I suppose is a good thing…was kind of hoping to see 100%. Anywho, she too suffered from the painful spasms that comes with a busted lower back. I’m not taking the injury pill so I guess I’ll see how exactly this will help me without it. It took her a month to feel the effects and it seems 3+ weeks is when people start noticing any sort of difference in general.

This may also help me out while I work out. My joints seem to pop and struggle a lot. If this thing does what it claimed it does…I’ll probably be experiencing less popping and struggling *crosses fingers* wish me luck.

Sincerely,
Jenn

So, we’re not catholic…

Yesterday was a wake up call. We visited the priest about that catholic wedding I was so stupidly pressing for—but now, I’m done. I already knew he’d bring up the part about us “not being truly married” because we’re “Catholic” and have not had the ceremony in the way we should’ve. I found it funny though when he said they recognize people who have gotten married who aren’t Catholic.

The whole interview he dug deep and I could tell he didn’t really like what he was hearing.

At times, when we were telling our stories (because he wanted to hear them) he was often passing judgement in his mind. He had said he would not judge us but there they were…eyes that judged and a head that repeatedly shook in disagreement. And then he’d lecture us on how we were supposed to be as Catholics.

Next he questioned our devotion to each other. In one instance, he asked that since I am only 30 and have the body of a 60 year old (I told him all my health problems), if Sean would still love me by the time I’m 40 and have the body of a 70 year old. Sean explained he would and admitted life isn’t easy but he loves me and will stick with me until the end.

Sean used the world “feel” while explaining all this and the priest immediately shot the word down saying he has no faith in feelings. Yea, we get it; feelings are fleeting. But it is out of our WILLS that we choose to love one another until the end of time (cue the song, Come What May~ lol) I could tell the priest seemed tired. Halfway through our stories his expression would turn into what almost could pass for boredom but was probably more like “you’re not telling me what I want to hear so I’m going to lecture some more once you’re done talking.”

We weren’t doing anything right. He related us to hermits in how we spent our time in prayer. “That’s Jennifer’s religion not the Catholic religion.” he says as I tell him how I give time to God. Sean and I were born into Catholicism. The sacraments, masses, etc., were a part of our lives in a way that it became a routine rather than something from the heart. Maybe I was being selfish, but I wanted the time I gave between God and me…so the church became like a third wheel.

To the priest, Catholicism was all about remembering every single bit of the doctrine. It was all about church , church, Eucharist, praying in the church, and church. It was about giving time to God in the church like one would give a spouse which I do but in my way, not the church’s way. Everything he said, I knew he would say and I knew why he would say it. It was everything they had embedded into my brain since preschool. But, I stopped following all those rules they had so long ago. To me they felt like rules and obligations because if we didn’t follow what was written, we were sinners—end of story. There was no room for understanding or an open mind…only judgement and repentance.

All the ceremonies, gospels, etc., to me they were memorials. Memorials to beings we have faith in and love. I remember them all and always will. But the priest was right. I had created my own “religion” and I did so without realizing it. Even when being raised within the church, I interpreted everything differently. I didn’t see the church and its ceremonies as the only place and the only way I could worship God. He’s God…he can be wherever he wants to be. Not that I’ll find any burning bushes that I can talk to, but I still have the belief he’s there and listening no matter where my feet tread.

The whole experience made Sean and I see that we are no longer Catholic. We fail to do as traditional Catholics do so why continue calling ourselves such when we no longer follow their doctrine? I’m not sure what we are. Agnostic? Except the roots of what I had learned of God and Jesus are still strong in my mind so I’m not sure what they would call a believer who does not follow a specific doctrine.

I have no qualms. I’m more weary than anything really.

*sigh* To each their own.

For now I’ll do as my parents did. I’ll find a church of a different denomination and have my wedding where family, friends and the heavens [and all who dwell there] can see.

Sincerely,
Jenn

Stress is a bech

Got my herniated disc in a somewhat stable state. Still a pressure-like pain but no more “I’m going to keel over if I keep moving!!!” pain. Thumbs up to physical therapy and sleeping completely flat at night (no pillows whatsoever!) By the way, sleeping completely flat on the bed really tangles up the hair…

As for stress…I’m dodging that mofo! I’m probably becoming too apathetic now to things that cause me stress but hey—it’s working. Sadly, my mother has not been dodging. She has become so stressed from work and recent events that she now has shingles. Feck’n SHINGLES!

It seems that shingles is the byproduct of an inactive virus (chicken pocks) and a compromised immune system. I knew it had something to do with chicken pocks but did not realize stress can bring that shit on if you’re someone who already had chicken pocks. Of course stress is a bitch no matter what but it is crazy how badly it can effect your immune system!

They say to those who develop it not to touch or scratch at the rashes. They also say to wash your hands often for both the afflicted and those around them. Apparently, the way someone else can get is if you touch the rashes during its blister phase. Or I guess touch someone’s hand who has just been readily scratching at their blistered rash(es).

*shivers*

The human body is so delicate.

Try not to get over-stressed, people! 😦

Sincerely,
Jenn