Valium Makes Me Sad

I should seriously stop looking at my claims section in my healthcare member account. The “You May Owe” parts send me into a frenzy every time, lol. Today I saw a $6000 bill for an abdominal growth that was removed during the day of the big surgery I had for the removal of my endometriosis. I’m not sure how I didn’t see the bill before and no one said a thing about abdominal growths. I swear they need to give me all the details so I don’t keep getting random little heart attacks.

I called my health insurance just to get the low down on it and once again I got another nice lady to explain what she could. In the end, I just decided to shake it off and continue waiting for the conflabbit bill from the surgery center before I kick up any fuss. I called the surgery center as well, by the way. Told them the bill was processed with my health insurance three months ago and was wondering if they sent the bill of what I owe yet. The lady at the front desk said “Oh it can take up to 45 days from the day of processing… yea, it’ll take awhile…” Well, she got the “take awhile” part right. It’s already passed the 45 day mark, lol. I reallllllly hope I’m not going to get a random $11,000+ bill that combines the 10% co-payment with this random $6000+ bill for an abdominal growth no one even mentioned to me.

Health bills suck bullocks.

On another note, my HSG x-ray test yesterday went well. I had taken Valium so that the procedure wouldn’t be so bad but apparently I didn’t really need to. According to the nurse practitioner, because of my endometriosis, the pain and discomfort one would normally receive from the procedure would be nothing to me since…y’know…I deal with this shiznitz everyday.

However true the remark is, I still felt that prick from the needle ( ಠ__ಠ ) I feeeeelt it and I didn’t like iiiit.

Anywho, the dye they injected showed that my tubes weren’t blocked. Good to know! Also confusing. So far I’m receiving news that my uterus is pretty good despite everything it’s been through. So why am I not getting pregnant through normal means? Is it the inflammation? Do I have a tilted uterus? Is there a faulty cog somewhere that they haven’t seen yet? Is it the random increments of sugary foods that I’ll eat in times of stress causing problems?

All that’s left on the to-do list is the semen test, which will occur on the day of the follow up appointment with our doc, and the blood tests for both Sean and me that we decided to get done next Tuesday instead of this past Wednesday. Socializing with family seems to drain us, lol. We just couldn’t function normally after the evening we spent at my cousins for July 4th so we decided to just deal with the blood tests next week. Then my back once again decided to crap out on me and I couldn’t get into work on Wednesday because of the nerve pain.

Speaking of said back issues, I overheard Sean talking on Viber with his dad that day. His dad asked how I was doing and Sean said my back began paining me badly again so I couldn’t go into work. His dad, in his blunt Irish way of thinking, says “Ah, she needs to do something, Sean. She doesn’t do anything. Get her to do some sets with ya, ha ha.”

… hah… hah…

I love family. Truly I do. But when they assume nothing is being done about something big that I’ve been doing all I can afford to do for—it irks me. I know he was just saying things from whatever he’s gathered from his point of view, but there’s much he does not see. Much he does not know. So to assume is just kind of silly of someone to do in my opinion. But, alas, it happens all the time with everyone. Even I will do it at times until I catch myself and backtrack. I’ll get over it in a few days. To continue to be offended by something that trivial enough that his father won’t remember what the heck he said months from now? It’d just be a waste.

I was quite illogically depressed yesterday and I’m guessing it was the Valium. Like deep down I knew I had no reason to be sad and depressive. But I kept swelling with random bouts of sadness, drowsiness and the occasional “I feel like crying but the tears won’t flow.”

I no longer feel sad but I do feel anxious about health bills. :\ My mom suggested I check out NaPro since health insurance covers it instead of going the IVF route. At this point, I don’t fek’n care. We started this road. I already have debt waiting for me and you only live once. After we hear what the doc has to say from our tests and are told all the possible costs, then we’ll make the decision on if we should veer off the current route and try another. Until then I don’t want to hear any “try this” or “do this” shit

( =__=)

All this sounds so bee-atchy of me, lol. Apologies.

Sincerely,
Jenn

 

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3 thoughts on “Valium Makes Me Sad

  1. My dear are you doing IVF or IUI or a different procedure?? They did the same thing to me, they checked for my tubes with the dye, and hubby and I got all of our blood work done too. Everything came back good. In my case my hubby is the issue but we knew that but didn’t know “THE WHY” so pretty much in our case his little soldiers don’t make it to my eggs. But hopefully Monday will be the day 🙂 Good Luck my dear and sending you positive vibes your way.

    • ❤ Thank youuu! We actually haven't been set with a procedure yet. I keep thinking because of my wartorn uterus that we'd have to go through IVF but I'm wondering now since they keep saying it's all normal right now. After all the tests and we have the follow up appointment with the doc, he'll tell us the best procedure for us. Though if that second random surgery bill I mentioned ends up dropping along side my original surgery bill, we may have to stop this whole process until we pay everything off which depresses me.

  2. Ohhh I get you. I’m so sorry about the bills just pouring. I’m really hoping u can work it out so u can continue your journey. Let me know what they say. ❤️❤️

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