A Less Stressful Wait

I suppose after everything I’ve been through, I’ve learned to respond to roadblocks a little better. I mean when it comes to anything health and fertility related.

I received a call from the financial coordinator at the fertility clinic. She sent me over all the costs and forms. The $10500 1 IVF Option is nonrefundable and the other options are extremely expensive even if they’re refundable. And there isn’t really the joy of being able to pay the bill in small increments like you’d be able to with a car loan. And then you have the additional fees: embryo cryopreservation $1800, annual storage $600, fee, frozen embryo transfer $4600 and so forth.

I sent emails to the financial coordinator, our Fertility RN Coordinator, and called the peeps at the specialized RX for all those shot medications and explained we’re not ready for this venture just yet financially and plan to save up. Our Fertility RN Coordinator said she understood, explained what I should do with the prescribed birth control, and said to call whenever we are finally ready.

I was actually thinking we could afford all this in the beginning. Then they sent me a table layout of the costs and made me realize how frikin poor we are, lol.

Setting up an appointment with my gyno and gonna get some birth control. Need to take it to keep the endometriosis implants/fibrosis/cysts at bay during however long a wait this will be until we saved up a good amount. For now, to my husband’s glee, we’ll be looking into adopting another furbaby. My parents will most likely shake me for doing this, lol, since my mom already thinks two dogs are enough. But I love animals gosh darnit! And if I can’t fek’n get my baby I will save some poor dog out there and adopt them! I can at least afford that!

Sincerely,
Jenn

Advertisements

The IVF Road

So we fiiiinaaally had our follow up appointment with our fertility doctor. Doc said after reviewing everything we’re clear of any diseases and all that jazz. I finally found out my blood type: A+. Hadn’t known my own blood type lol #fail. He also said despite what my insides have been through my ovaries look good. Unfortunately, because of the scarring our best option would be IVF; success rate would be around 60%.

Since I’m 31, they’d only implant 1 to 2 embryos which I’m fine with. Really don’t want to end up with quadruplets. Think my body would actually keel over if that were to happen. The whole prepping process is going to be taxing enough as it is.

Shots for controlling egg growth, a shot for controlling ovulation, uncomfortable side effects from such shots, a mock implantation, and all this day counting. Doesn’t sound so bad but—I fek’n HATE needles. My brain goes insane knowing that something sharp has impaled my skin. Yea, I’m an idiot that will occasionally and silently ball my eyes out while getting a shot. Though the crying usually happens when they use a needle that’s too big or have messed up a couple times because of how tiny my veins are. Ugh..the lingering pain I get whenever they poke the dang thing through… *shivers*

Anywho, before we hop on the test tube wagon, I’m going to talk with the financial coordinator. I want to know the upfront cost. I want to know if we can pay in installments. We were assured that if we do the one time implantation process that costs $10,000, we’d get out money back if the process fails. But I want to clarify if that means we get our money back if we don’t get a baby or if it means we only get our money back if I don’t actually get pregnant. I’m sure that I could get pregnant through this but what if there’s a miscarriage? Do we still get money back if that occurs?

So yea, fun times.

I need a permanent vacation…

Sincerely,
Jenn

The Shifting

There are moments in my life where I feel all is right in the world and I’m content with how things are. Those moments are great. Wish they’d last for more than a week.

Then I go through these phases where I’m feeling dread, frustration, and/or listlessness. I’m sure these feelings are mostly brought on by the shifting of my hormones. But I believe they’re also brought on by little irks that slowly build up—like building blocks of disappointment, worry, and so forth that get added to create an unstable tower.

I’ve been frustrated about what to do about my job. I’ve been hanging by a thread where I work. And with the changes that were needed and made to put my health first, I’m now asked by my boss to put my job first. It’s a logical request that she asks of me. It’s a business. In the corporate world the kind of consideration they’ve given me seems somewhat rare nowadays. Heck, her back actually needs surgery compared to mine and she’s now resorted to also lugging herself around in crutches. She dedicated her life to a job that shows little recognition and appreciation. And because she’s one of the few who actually knows how to get shit done, the others lob their work onto her.

I can’t dedicate myself to this job anymore. The only reason I’m even putting effort anymore is for her. I get frustrated when she asks more of me than I want to input because I don’t see the reason for further effort anymore. I appreciate everything I have ever learned from her and from my fellow coworkers as well as my old supervisor, may he rest in peace. But, I can’t do this anymore.

I’ll be leaving my job at some point this year. As a designer, to keep creativity alive, I was advised to change jobs every 3-5 years. Though I’ve seen many not even bother and remain in their jobs for several years. Maybe out of comfort? I did it out of keeping my word to my old supervisor and to have something stable while going through the health whatnot and going through the fiance visa stuff.

Financially, it isn’t truly needed for me to keep my job. There is no crazy surgery bill anymore that I thought had existed. We’ve been managing all the bills well. Any extra money I had made went to splurges in stuff like affordable, useful furniture, my back stuff (mattresses, crutch, back brace, etc.), and gaming stuff.

I need to change. I need to change the direction of my career. I can do this now. I can leap for my dreams now. I just have to stop being scared.

Also, update on my back stuff. Physical therapist explained the problems I had been dealing with recently. Apparently, I may have Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction (SI Joint Pain) hence the imbalance I feel around my pelvis and legs. The left leg muscles have been spasming like crazy during all this shifting of my bones, by the way. Damn sciatic problems, lol. So she gave me exercises that will help strengthen the muscles around my pelvis and legs which hopefully help correct the imbalance a little.

Sincerely,
Jenn

 

Vent Mode Initiated ( ಠ ∩ಠ)

I need to send this grumble out into the void because I’m a grumpy bich doomed to eternal nerve pain (and possible damage?) I’ve been wrestling with this pain for a long while now. It went from bad to good to worse to decent to bad. Again, with physical therapy assistance I was able to get back to a decent, manageable pain level but my left leg socket area decided to call it quits.

I’m not sure what it was that brought it on. Poor diet from stress? Stress itself? Pain killers that reacted badly to the Lidocaine patch I had used? Trying out the APPI Daily Pilates routine and then suddenly stopping halfway through the week due to weariness?

Whether it was a combination of everything or one thing, my muscles and nerves around my left leg socket went haywire. I was out of commission for two weeks in terms of walking and sitting (once again.) I worked from bed and mainly rested my body with legs propped up on pillows to relieve the pressure on my nerve.

I also stuffed myself with food: healthy and fatty, I forced my brain to remember to take my darn vitamins every day, and I did very small amounts of exercise; small amounts because everything was a struggle again. I’m mean shoo, walking up and down the stairs was like running a marathon for the first week.

giphy.gif

Every muscles was working to help my leg from becoming over-encumbered by my own body weight. It hurt the most when I had to extend it to take a step down. Does this happen when a muscle tears or something? *shrugs*

I’m at a point where I can walk again but I’m walking as slow as a big ol’ turtle. I’m wearing my back brace again which is assisting my spine alignment (gotta love that good ol’ scoliosis…) and feeling the intake of oxygen within my abdomen. I had been taught some breathing lessons from one of my physical therapists and from the APPI DVD she lent me. It’s supposed to help me with working the muscles around my abdomen and calm my body when strain is occurring.

I’ve finally set up an appointment for physical therapy for next week since both Tuesday and Thursday have no free slots this week. This brings me to another bother. Someone had set me up for Today and Wednesday appointments. The lady manning the desk said it must’ve been me who set it up because that’s the only way they accept appointments. I told her I was unable to go in the past two weeks due to the pain and I couldn’t walk. I also said that I didn’t set the time up and not sure who did and that I only come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Miss Front Desk was sounding a bit annoyed now since my tone was slightly irritable. She managed to keep her cool and set up my next two appointments. But I apparently have to pay a $27 cancellation fee for same day cancellation. NOTE: I didn’t get the notification for the appointment today until yesterday and I didn’t see it until that evening so I couldn’t really call them. Though I guess I should’ve just left a voice message yesterday. Shoot.

I want to bonk the head of whoever set up the appointment. It wasn’t me, Miss Front Desk. I don’t ever go in on Mondays and Wednesdays. And I hadn’t talked to anyone over there for two weeks nor did I set up appointments the week before those two weeks. Part of me thinks it’s either someone had accidentally put someone else’s schedule into mine OR it’s one of my physical therapists and she wants the DVD back, haha.

Ahhh, good times..

Sincerely,
Jenn