Heh Say What Now?

I’m a bit confused right now.

So, I kept getting weird cramping last week and thought “Oh, I must be getting my period again.” Then my friend interjected, “But didn’t you just get that a week ago?” Cue extremely puzzled expression and grabbing the nearest calendar.

My friend was correct. I had gotten my period not too long ago. June 25th to be exact. And then I recalled all the hysterical whatnot I went through to get testing done for the fertility clinic. So why the heck was I feeling cramp-y and overly drained for??? I shake off the whole thing and blame it on my endometriosis acting up like usual.

Then today happens. I’m just working away at my cubicle when I take a deep breath and am graced with the sudden sensation of pissing myself. I sit there, eyes wide and wonder “Did I seriously just piss myself?” I took another breath and BAM, similar sensation but realize it’s coming from my uterus. I rush to the bathroom and see blood. My first thought “AUGH! It’s my period!” then I pause and rethink. It’s too fek’n early for my period. “AUGH! I’m dying!” cue flashbacks to a 12 year old me actually thinking she’s dying because she forgot periods were even a thing.

I notice something else about this blood. It’s watery. I heard at times when discharge mixes with blood it becomes watery. But why was I getting this and why so early if this was actually a very early menstrual cycle???

Google, dear disembodied friend, you have presented many explanations for me. Thank you.

First answer: “CERVICAL CANCER” … *illogical panic attack* *logic floats by* I already received word that no cancer was discovered during my surgical procedure down in my nether regions. *relaxes*

Second answer: “4 Causes for a Water Period & What You Can Do About it” … Thank you random person who decided to make an article about this.

  1. Post-Pregnancy Periodsnope, haven’t given birth
  2. Lighter Periodmost likely, but still really weird it’s so early
  3. Pregnancyyes, please?
  4. Labor Signsnope, jumpin’ the gun there~

During my cramping last week and wondering why I was receiving them so early, I ordered an early pregnancy test pack along with our usual monthly amazon pantry restocking order. Whether it be by fate or coincidence, that package was delivered today. So tonight we’ll rule out whether or not pregnancy is actually a factor in this watery blood scenario. If it’s not pregnancy, my gyno will be receiving an appointment with me where I can bombard her with questions and receive answers that will calm my brain down, lol.

The female body is such a tiresome and confusing entity.

Sincerely,
Jenn

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Freedooom!

Thank God that someone was finally in billing the day I decide to call one last time. After my physical therapy this afternoon, I felt this urge to call the surgery clinic. A lady whose name sounded familiar (from when I called 3 months ago) answered, and I told her the scenario with the insurance claims and insurance letters and what ensued was interesting.

“Whaat? Oh no no no…” she starts. I’m just like “Huh?”

She explains that they don’t follow what the claims are saying nor that new claim I saw. And that they would never make the patients pay those amounts. She looked at my insurance info and my account info there and said I’d only have to pay $560. No one would ever make me pay what the insurance was saying I may have to pay. Though the amount owed also confused me some because someone, possibly she, ages ago said $5000 so I have no idea what’s going there but hey I’ll take the $560 and skip along happily to the fertility clinic.

I can continue my fertility journey and that is all that matters me to me.

SO FEK’N HAPPY NOW! I LOVE YOU ALL! *HUG*

Sincerely,
Jenn

Crying

For awhile I’ve been feeling overwhelmed to the point of wanting to cry but the tears wouldn’t come. Now they’re here but I’m desperately trying to hide them since I’m stuck in a public area.

Unknown bills have been whirling in my head since that last post. Calling the surgical center seems fruitless really. They’re great with the before and during process of surgery but everything after they suck at communication-wise. The billing guy is never there and the front desk ladies have that “I don’t have time for this” tone.

I had to endure that tone again this morning with the same lady as before. I called for a different reason though. Mind you, I’m not calling every day for things. I called a few times in one day a few months ago. That day I talked to three different people so I could talk to who I needed to talk to about the main surgery bill. After three months, I called the day I saw the random claim only asking if they had sent the bill yet and finally again today in search of my operation notes.

So yea, I told her I needed my operation notes but could not find them in my online health profile. She left me on hold three times. Second time she forgot and did the whole “Hi I’m blaa, how may I help you?” and I respond in with a twinge of sarcasm “I was put on hold for my operation notes, heh.” Heard her tone change and an exasperated noise come out of her and she put me on hold again. She later hurriedly admitted that the notes were not yet accessible to me before but they are now and finished with that whole have a good day thing.

The tears came from reading the operations notes:

  1. Laparoscopy, surgical; with lysis of adhesions (salpingolysis, ovariolysis) (separate
    procedure) (58660)
  2. Ureterolysis, with or without repositioning of ureter for retroperitoneal fibrosis (50715)
  3. Excision or destruction, open, intra-abdominal tumors, cysts or endometriomas, 1 or more peritoneal, mesenteric, or retroperitoneal primary or secondary tumors; largest tumor 5 cm diameter or less (49203)
  4. Chromotubation of oviduct, including materials (58350) Hysteroscopy, surgical; with sampling (biopsy) of endometrium and/or polypectomy, with or without D & C (58558)
  5. Cystourethroscopy, with dilation of bladder for interstitial cystitis; general or conduction (spinal) anesthesia (52260)

They did all of that. All of that was the reason I was in so much pain and couldn’t get pregnant (excluding the bladder part. Not sure what was happening there.) And now all that will probably equal to that dreaded $11000 that keeps popping up in my mind. Because that random claim is for real and the provider name is also in the operation notes. He was a surgical assistant who had removed the abdominal growth I had no idea about.

It’s like in those mythical stories. If you truly want something big, a heavy price must be paid. I wanted to be free from all that pain. And the price may be the baby I’ve always wanted. I can’t keep trying naturally because the endometriosis and growths will regrow; I’ll have to go on birth control to stop the regrowth. Fertility help was my last chance to have my own child and I wanted to get it done while I was young and still have half my egg supply!

I know, I know. I’m being over-dramatic. But… I can’t help it…

I just wish they’d send that damn bill so I know what to do next. If it’s not my body that’s in pain, it’s my heart. And I’m just so tired.

Sincerely,
Jenn

Valium Makes Me Sad

I should seriously stop looking at my claims section in my healthcare member account. The “You May Owe” parts send me into a frenzy every time, lol. Today I saw a $6000 bill for an abdominal growth that was removed during the day of the big surgery I had for the removal of my endometriosis. I’m not sure how I didn’t see the bill before and no one said a thing about abdominal growths. I swear they need to give me all the details so I don’t keep getting random little heart attacks.

I called my health insurance just to get the low down on it and once again I got another nice lady to explain what she could. In the end, I just decided to shake it off and continue waiting for the conflabbit bill from the surgery center before I kick up any fuss. I called the surgery center as well, by the way. Told them the bill was processed with my health insurance three months ago and was wondering if they sent the bill of what I owe yet. The lady at the front desk said “Oh it can take up to 45 days from the day of processing… yea, it’ll take awhile…” Well, she got the “take awhile” part right. It’s already passed the 45 day mark, lol. I reallllllly hope I’m not going to get a random $11,000+ bill that combines the 10% co-payment with this random $6000+ bill for an abdominal growth no one even mentioned to me.

Health bills suck bullocks.

On another note, my HSG x-ray test yesterday went well. I had taken Valium so that the procedure wouldn’t be so bad but apparently I didn’t really need to. According to the nurse practitioner, because of my endometriosis, the pain and discomfort one would normally receive from the procedure would be nothing to me since…y’know…I deal with this shiznitz everyday.

However true the remark is, I still felt that prick from the needle ( ಠ__ಠ ) I feeeeelt it and I didn’t like iiiit.

Anywho, the dye they injected showed that my tubes weren’t blocked. Good to know! Also confusing. So far I’m receiving news that my uterus is pretty good despite everything it’s been through. So why am I not getting pregnant through normal means? Is it the inflammation? Do I have a tilted uterus? Is there a faulty cog somewhere that they haven’t seen yet? Is it the random increments of sugary foods that I’ll eat in times of stress causing problems?

All that’s left on the to-do list is the semen test, which will occur on the day of the follow up appointment with our doc, and the blood tests for both Sean and me that we decided to get done next Tuesday instead of this past Wednesday. Socializing with family seems to drain us, lol. We just couldn’t function normally after the evening we spent at my cousins for July 4th so we decided to just deal with the blood tests next week. Then my back once again decided to crap out on me and I couldn’t get into work on Wednesday because of the nerve pain.

Speaking of said back issues, I overheard Sean talking on Viber with his dad that day. His dad asked how I was doing and Sean said my back began paining me badly again so I couldn’t go into work. His dad, in his blunt Irish way of thinking, says “Ah, she needs to do something, Sean. She doesn’t do anything. Get her to do some sets with ya, ha ha.”

… hah… hah…

I love family. Truly I do. But when they assume nothing is being done about something big that I’ve been doing all I can afford to do for—it irks me. I know he was just saying things from whatever he’s gathered from his point of view, but there’s much he does not see. Much he does not know. So to assume is just kind of silly of someone to do in my opinion. But, alas, it happens all the time with everyone. Even I will do it at times until I catch myself and backtrack. I’ll get over it in a few days. To continue to be offended by something that trivial enough that his father won’t remember what the heck he said months from now? It’d just be a waste.

I was quite illogically depressed yesterday and I’m guessing it was the Valium. Like deep down I knew I had no reason to be sad and depressive. But I kept swelling with random bouts of sadness, drowsiness and the occasional “I feel like crying but the tears won’t flow.”

I no longer feel sad but I do feel anxious about health bills. :\ My mom suggested I check out NaPro since health insurance covers it instead of going the IVF route. At this point, I don’t fek’n care. We started this road. I already have debt waiting for me and you only live once. After we hear what the doc has to say from our tests and are told all the possible costs, then we’ll make the decision on if we should veer off the current route and try another. Until then I don’t want to hear any “try this” or “do this” shit

( =__=)

All this sounds so bee-atchy of me, lol. Apologies.

Sincerely,
Jenn

 

Them Facial Expressions Though

I’m always looking at the non-verbal cues. A person’s posture, countenance, and muscle movements. I read too into them really but I can’t help but be attentive to them.

Take the expression of “AH! IT’S GOING TO KILL ME!” for example. I’ve been a bit of a gimp for the past several months thanks to the sciatica issues. I’m slightly hunched and wobbly when I walk and I push against my left leg, that the nerve pain shoots down into, with my hand to sort of prop me up. I do have a crutch but, I try to avoid any attention so I only use it when going to work or I have to walk far.

So here I am, hobbling along while my dog relieves his bladder. He’s done and I’m done being outside in the muggy heat so we turn around. Lo and behold, one of our neighbors is leaving his home to go somewhere. Our overly hyper dog does what he always does when surprised by a stranger—barks his head off and looks like he’s going to lunge at them. No teeth bared, just annoying barks and pulling forward. I already look like a weakling who can’t hold him so this kind of rattled the man a bit.

Alas, the intimidating display is the result of a dog who has no idea how to properly greet others. And weirdly enough, all he wants to do is sniff them. After I calm Buddy down, I apologize to the recipient of the barking and ask if he may meet them. They usually agree so he chokes himself just to finally get near them, sniffs them, maybe lets them get a pet in, and he’s done. He can resume his normal, chill behavior. They get to pet a crazy fluff ball and continue with their day.

Our neighbor seems to have had either bad encounters with dogs, no experience with them whatsoever, or just has a phobia. Also, I realized there was a little trouble with hearing or communication when I did the usual “Can he meet you? Can my dog meet you?” in which I’d receive a “Huh?” I repeated myself several times, even trying to articulate clearer than the last time out of fear I was talking too quiet like I sometimes do.

Finally after processing what I said, he smiled, nodded his head, and moved aside alittle. I briefly wondered why he moved aside but figured he was making room for Buddy to greet him. I then loosened my grip on the leash to let Buddy finally get a whiff of our neighbor. The man screamed and held his hands up in the air as Buddy rushed up to sniff the man. Not jump on him or greet him. Sniff. The man stood still, hands still raised, the entire time.

It was at that moment I realized that the man thought I asked if I could pass around him and I had surprised him by letting Buddy get close. To hopefully calm the man down I pulled Buddy back some and said “He’s just smelling you. This way he can get to know you.” I’m sure everything I said was just white noise while Buddy continued trying to sniff the man as I was pulling him away to go home.

I felt worried and sad that I misunderstood the man and scared the living daylights out of him. It almost sounded like he was muttering “that bitch” as I was walking away, lol…or maybe it was something else in a language I don’t know as he was walking out to wave at someone he knew that was currently parking their car. My worry doubled when Sean informed me that yesterday, while he was crazy tired and letting Buddy out to pee, Buddy had scared another neighbor. It was possibly the wife of the man Buddy startled before because she rushed back to the same apartment he had come out of.

She was jogging when the event occurred. The enclosing clops of her sneakers startled Buddy so he turned around and did his bark/lunge routine. She shrieked her head off and Sean stood there, eyes half closed, mumbling “Sorry.” What made it kind of worse was Sean looked disheveled and his expression looked like a hooligan you don’t want to mess with. To top it off, his tone really didn’t have any remorse because he knew Buddy wouldn’t harm anyone and he was just too tired to care about anything at the moment.

Apparently, she was fumbling frantically with her keys to open the door. Instead of causing her further distress by walking past her to our apartment, Sean took the long way around with Buddy which is pretty much walking in a big half circle to enter from the other side of the outdoor hallway.

I had a nightmare that leasing contacted us saying that they received complaints of a fluffy menace creating chaos on our block. 😦 It’s hard to live around non-pet people. I always have to walk out in fear of someone else misunderstanding our dog because the little cute, turd-bucket has to always act like he’s a siren alerting everyone that someone is there that he must sniff.

IMG_4093

The Fiendish Furball that our Neighbors now Fear 😦

*sigh* I can’t wait until we can move.

Sincerely,
Jenn

Derp-tastic :P

Alrighty, so I may have gotten things slightly mixed up about what was supposed to be done DURING the menstrual cycle. Our Fertility RN Coordinator explained that the HSG is done when the bleeding stops—heh heh, whooooops~~~

As for what needed to be done during the menstrual cycle, I was able to get done early this morning! WOOT! I had to get blood drawn and have an ultrasound. I’ll get the results of the blood test later today or tomorrow, I think. Our coordinator said she’d call anyway.

During the ultrasound there were two doctors taking a gander at my uterus. One of the doctors talked to me while the other handled the machine. The one talking to me had a sympathetic tone when saying, “Wow, three surgeries,” after she looked at my chart. Third times the charm though. She agreed my surgeon did well and that my uterus looked good. She also noted my right ovary looked clear of cysts and showed me where the growing endometriosis currently visible were. They didn’t say anything about my left ovary buuut I’m guessing the general remark of “looks good” applies to that ovary as well, lol. *shrugs* She did emphasize that I need to get started soon considering the history of my endometriosis.

On a side note: Ladies, if you have severe endometriosis/cysts/fibrosis and need a very proficient GYN surgeon in the D.C. area check out The Center of Innovative GYN CARE. Mind you, their surgery facility is out-of-network. You’ll be looking at a $5000 bill—that is if your health insurance will be kind enough to pay the $40,000 part of the co-insurance payment. Patients will only need to cover up to 10% of the co-insurance pay.

And if you get a message from your health insurance mentioning the bill is 80,000 and you have to cover everything after the $40,000 they’ll cover…do not go into frantic despair like I did, lol. The financial department of the surgery center and my health insurance rep were kind enough to explain everything to me despite my panicked and confused state. The insurance rep was great; she went out of her way to help me get all the facts and confirmations.

So yea, I’m feeling pretty good that I’m ticking things off the list of Fertility To-Dos. Still nervous about future costs of the actual IVF and whatnot but for now we were given info about everything before that. According to my health insurance, testing is covered at 90% subject to a $35 copay. HSG or Saline Sonogram/MOCK done will also fall under your outpatient surgery benefit which is covered at 90%. And obviously, infertility treatment such as IUI and IVF are both non-covered services.

By the way, I’m seriously hoping that a miracle will occur before the IVF even comes up, lol. I know it won’t happen but a girl can dream. It’d be nice to get magically preggers and not have to pay up to $10,000~ 😛

Sincerely,
Jenn

Fertility Tests = Fun Times

I suppose my brain went into overdrive this past weekend. Sean and I had gone over everything with our Reproductive Endocrinologist and our Fertility RN Coordinator last Thursday and I was like “Yea, we got this shit. I’m ready!” Then I got my menstrual cycle Sunday morning and panicked.

My endometriosis is already making its regrowth known with the pain of the last menstrual cycle and this one. I kept thinking I HAVE to get my Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) Test done during this period because I can’t afford to wait next period! I can’t waste time!

I was trying to call the office numbers given to me that are open during the weekend BUT NO ONE ANSWERED. The automated message said if I leave a message they wouldn’t be able to respond until the next day. I then sent an email but received an out of office response saying they wouldn’t be in until Monday.

In my mind: “NOOOO!!! I only have 3 days after today to get this HSG done! And I have to find someone to take me because Sean is stuck at work and I’ll be in la la land with the Valium and I need to get my boss’s okay…and…and!”

Sean calmed me down with a kiss on the forehead and supportive words. Then later, after some pain medication, food, and rest—my own logic calmed me completely down. There was nothing I could do if they weren’t getting back to me.

This morning I received an email apologizing for no one answering my call. The email was from the clinic’s Financial Coordinator and she explained that they have not yet received the okay from our health insurance and it could take up to 2 weeks until they do get the okay. If I were to get the HSG done before then I’d be paying $690 out of pocket. My brain was like “NOPE! I’m goooood. I’ll waaaait *slowly retreats back into my blanket sanctuary*” I went into work late today, by the way. Menstrual/Endo pain + Reoccurring Back/Nerve pain = hard to walk/sit. So I rested flat on back until the pain medication kicked in. I pretty much looked like a burrito on the floor.

shiburrito

I’m in “We got this shit!” mode again. Yea, it sucks major bullocks that I can’t get the HSG done and out of the way. It sucks that my uterus is already feeling heavy pain during cycles again. But we’ll just do what we can and if it gets worse, I’ll have to just pull the plug on this whole thing and go on birth control to stop more cysts from developing.

I know this is kind of a repetitive train of thought that I’ve said before in old posts when I was trying to go through this process the first time but back then it would’ve been a total waste of time and money. I should’ve actually went on birth control at that point too when I decided not to do it but I kept thinking maybe a miracle would happen naturally.

The IVF would’ve failed because my uterus was in seriously bad shape. The first laparoscopic surgery seemed like it helped but the second surgery was a flop and the pain only doubled. The third surgery was done by a specialist surgeon who focuses on severe cases such as Endometriosis. He did a seriously good job in removing a lot of the cysts/fibrosis/endometriosis. I can have sexy time without pain and it’s great! (Sorry TMI lol) Buuut, the cycles are bringing them back bit by bit. So it’s now or never with this IVF adventure.

At some point this week I’m going to get the surgery notes sent to the fertility clinic and next week we’re getting the blood tests done. Today I’m just going to chill the fek out and work.

We got this. 👍

Sincerely,
Jenn

Design & a ‘lil Fertility on the Side, Please

Alright, so I tried to do another logo contest… #FAIL…

It’s disheartening how I keep failing. I don’t know why I’m so focused on logos but I love challenging myself by designing a single piece that will represent a whole company and its ideals. How come I can’t create designs like these?!

Seriously! When it comes to those type of logos, I always miss the mark. They’re so appealing to look at and they get across their meaning with such a refreshing simplicity. Oooone is the lonlieeest nuuumberrr~ ♪

*sigh*

Here are two logos that I had drawn up for contests I lost.

#1 This is for a product named FlexiBorder made by a company called EcoShape. The product is a border for your garden beds that can bend up to 70 degrees and is made with recycled materials. I chose to draw a plant shape that stood out to me and was different from what the others were using (i.e., trees and plant buds.) I had made the stem and leaves of my plant a stylized/abstract “F”. Coloring was off because I was trying too hard to keep to the green hues they had suggested. Despite losing, I do plan on getting some flexiborders myself for future gardening, lol.

#2 I’m not sure if it’s the name of a company itself or the name of the team the owner leads but it’s all about dog agility training and championships. Again, I tried to make a design that was different from the others being posted. But, alas, it was quickly declined.

mylogodesignsforcontests.png

Number One’s contest is still going and there isn’t a winner yet but the logo below is rated the highest so far:

Sweet and Simple. It also brings better attention to the product. Great work, Diana-ls!

attachment_85994319

Number Two’s contest was completed some time ago and the winning design can be seen below:

Doggy face cuteness~ plus they were able to incorporate the illustration into the company name without causing any visual interruption like mine most likely did. Good work, Seven_Art99!

attachment_80099978

Anywho, onto other news. The fertility clinic visit went well. We got the lowdown on what to expect and that there are many affordable ways to deal with cost. We will only have two options though for the actual impregnating process. The first is taking medicines that will prolong the ovulation cycle and have more than one egg go through to be fertilized. The second is IVF which can amount up to $10,000 but they have different plans for this option available.

Right now we’re entering the testing phase and seeing which path is possible for me and Sean. There’ll be blood tests, ultrasounds, and testing to see how my uterus looks and what parts are actually functioning correctly and which aren’t. Most likely, IVF will be the option considering the damage my uterus has undergone. Endometriosis acts almost like a glue. As it grows, it clings to anything near and around my uterus. My tubes may not even be able to move to pick up the egg that would be available to fertilize. *shrugs* We’ll see after all the poking and prodding is done.

Most of this testing will occur during my next menstrual cycle which I think will be arriving soon. *crosses fingers*

Sincerely,
Jenn

 

 

A Little Break from the Pain

I almost forgot what it was like to stand up completely upright without the assistance of a wall, counter or crutch. I got to feel that again yesterday after Physical Therapy. I reveled in it; walked as slowly as possible to my car and just enjoyed being able to move like I used to. Sadly, after a couple hours gravity did make me slightly hunched in my posture again thanks to the nerve pain returning. I had slightly numbed the pain with ibuprofen before going to PT.

I’m also getting sleep again. No more waking up in the middle of the night crying and writhing in pain. I still sleep on the floor occasionally to help straighten my back out which allows me to wake up with no soreness or compressed spine/slight nerve pain. I also switch things up by sleeping on our crappy mattress/foam topper because I sleep more at ease when I’m able to be close to Sean.  I will get soreness and a compressed spine whenever I do but thanks to a few PT and Chiropractic exercises it’s not as bad as it originally was.

I feel so relaxed nowadays.

Ah, I’m not sure if I got to mention this before but tomorrow is the fertility doctor visit we were supposed to have last month. I had it rescheduled because of how early it was before (7AM.) I figured that would be kind of cruel to have Sean wake up that early after having to work late.

I’m not sure what to expect. I was excited about it all and a bit nervous but I’m looking at it now with more of a “can we even afford this?” mentality. Cost will be my first question to the Doctor.

Sincerely,
Jenn

Just one of them nights…

Because of the rawness of reality and my reoccurring ailments, I’m not really on top of my game in life. I feel like each day is a struggle and I worry about how I’m starting to look since I can’t really take care of my appearance as well as before. And I keep wondering if Sean will get tired of me or if he still wants me. Last night, before his sleepy haze overtook him I asked if he still wanted me. He said “Of course I still want you! You’re my wi-m-*mumble mumble* *snore*…” I asked for a repeat of what he said but the response was still a sleepy mumble that I couldn’t understand but I knew what he meant, lol.

I wanted reassurance from him. I wanted to know that he accepts me for who I am and that he’ll continue to respect me, my wishes, and so forth. And most of all I just want to know if he still wants me despite how things are with my health and how I am when I get stern with him. I especially needed the reassurance more than usual because I had gotten upset with him one night last week.

Sean has done well with managing nights he decides to go out to the pub but one night last week, he flubbed up. His flub reverted me to the judgmental, upset wife that I was the time he was being irresponsible with alcohol last year. He had gotten quite drunk and tried to walk home. #1 I was hurt because, though he usually keeps me informed, he didn’t feel the need to tell me about his surprise pub visit. #2 Him walking home would’ve been fine if he was in fek’n Ireland and not in America near a busy intersection with his brain functions quickly deteriorating.

He originally had called me to ask for a ride before deciding to walk home. But since I missed his call, he opted to walk home. I kept calling to tell him I could get him but when he answered he was apparently halfway home. He had run quickly through the crosswalks at the light when he was on the phone with me.

I had an inkling though that something was amiss and that I should go out to look for him. Weirdly enough, my inkling was correct. In his drunken haste, he veered his wobbling arse off the sidewalk and into the woods. By the time I found him, he had emerged from the wooded area and was stumbling into the neighborhood parking garage. He unnerved a couple that he had passed by as they were entering their SUV. After passing them, he became trapped in the corner of the parking garage surrounded by a chain-linked fence.

I was really upset at this point because I can’t walk well. Every limp killed my sciatic nerve and I was trying to hurry to him before he decided to wobble elsewhere. His wobble was faster than my limp. Thank god for the fence which he vainly kept trying to push down. I yelled his name and he looked my way with bloodshot, watery eyes and a look that said “Hurdur?” I grabbed his arm, grumbled “for fk’s sake”, and pulled him home. At one point though I had to prop him up while taking him home which killed my nerve even more.

I let him rest for a few hours, then I woke him up in the middle of the night to unleash my fury about the whole annoying scenario. At first he didn’t feel like he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t black out, he remembered everything, and he came home. All was well in his books. But I clarified what he did that angered me. I was upset that he didn’t inform me of where he was and that I had to call/text to even find out. I was upset that he walked home in his current state because even though he wasn’t blacked out he was pretty darn close and had horrible control over his movements.

He could’ve walked into a moving car, fallen into a ditch in the wood, or gotten mugged! I told him about the neighborhood email where just the other night a woman was assaulted and stolen from within our apartment complex. Heck, if a thief had crossed paths with him, he would’ve been easy game despite his claim of surely being able to punch the guy if he tried.

Anywho, Sean apologized for upsetting me and he understood now what made me upset. I made him promise me to keep me informed of things so I’m not in the dark about his well-being. I also made him promise that should he ever get quite so drunk again and needed a ride to call and wait for me! America is not safe for a country Irishman. (=_=) *sigh*

Sincerely,
Jenn