From middle until junior high, I was a girl with way too many crushes.
I don’t count nursery through first grade because it was nothing but adorable puppy love. We were two hyper four year old munchkins. His name was Francisco and he was my best buddy. I don’t remember much other than knowing he was my best buddy and that the feeling I had for him turned into a one sided puppy love in first grade because life happens.
Years later, my mom shed more light on the relationship I had with him. Apparently she often saw us together and whenever I had to leave the nursery I would cry. As soon as the water works started, Francisco would comfort me by telling me I needed to go home and that he’d see me tomorrow. He’d then get my little velcro sneakers and I would slip my feet into them as he held them.
Y’know, looking back he was just a really caring type of kid. I think as time passed I missed that kind of care and attention which could’ve fed into the needy phase I had when puberty hit…ANYWHO, moving on…
Elementary was a carefree point in my life. It was the time period for haphazard play and fun field trips. Boys didn’t factor much into my thoughts because I was too busy learning how to be social, that teasing friends I found adorably cute is wrong (long story there), and winning in class games such as Math Around the World made me feel like a bad ass.
When I reached the age of ten, winning and math took a side seat. I began to notice something I hadn’t noticed before: a boy’s appearance. My mind began to sift through each boy I saw and pick out which ones I found the most attractive. Personality didn’t even mean anything to me yet. It was just “that boy is seriously cute and I can’t stop looking at him” and this led to a bit of drama. It was a boy who was so pretty he could’ve been a model. His girlfriend was the queen of the roost and whatever she said was law. It was amazing how much power she held.
In the hell that was 11th grade (where I had become a depressive moron; another long story there), the queen allowed her boyfriend to dance with me at the dance social. I felt like I was being pitied for the crush I had on him. I just wanted to admire him from afar, not be with him. But I probably appeared pathetic to her, her boyfriend and the majority of the class especially after trying every wrong way to fit in. But yea, dancing with him was the most awkward thing in the world. We literally danced as if someone was standing in between us, lol; our arms were outstretched like zombies.
Fast forward a year, I had escaped the school I was stuck in for two years and had returned to my original, childhood school. Amid the happiness and fun I was having being back with my old friends, the irksome “need” to pay attention to boys was still there. I literally found half the boys in my class attractive. But this time around, it wasn’t looks alone that was getting my attention. It was their quirks and personality. I found myself being pulled in by guys that portrayed a lot of self-confidence, cuteness and/or a tendency for sarcasm.
It was around this time that I discovered dating was prominent in our pre-teen lives. Dating was a mystery to me. I didn’t know what to do or how to go about it. All I knew is that I wanted to experience it. But before even reaching the point of experiencing it myself, I observed. Lol, AH GAHD, why was I sucha creeper back then?! – Imagine: Hiiii, I’m just watching you guys be a couple! Don’t mind meee watching as I walk byyyy. Just keep doing boyfriend-girlfriend thiiiiings!”
How could I not at least take some time to learn from watching??? I couldn’t just delve into the world of dating without knowing a thing. And I didn’t have access to internet yet so this was as good as it was going to get in the learning department, lol. It wasn’t until 8th grade that I felt I was ready to experience dating and my friends seemed quite eager to follow me around in my attempts to find a suitor.
I will share the rest tomorrow because work is finally done and I wanna go hoooooome. I added pt 1 to the title after realizing what time it was, lol. Sorry ’bout that.
Until next time… *tips imaginary top hat*
Sincerely,
Jenn
The blog of Mr. and Mrs. Mac 